Thursday, May 16, 2013

A very heavy heart today-prayers needed for a friend

Today I was going to do another Blog Every Day Challenge prompt today but I find that I cant. I have been mulling over whether to write something else or not since last night. I have decided to write this post, but with a extremely heavy heart

As I"m sure you've seen in many posts, I love children. I have many little cousins who make my life so happy and joyful. I also have a niece who has taught me so much in the year and a half she's been alive. Children are such a blessing. I cannot wait until the day I can have my own. I never really knew what love actually was until my niece came along. Being able to love something so small more than you could ever imagine. She's taught me about love, faith, happiness, hope, joy, inspiration. One thing that I'm looking forward to is that as she grows, I can be a role model and teach her right from wrong, how to love, how to give, how to learn and how to grow. But while I may have a list in my mind of all the ways I'll show her how to do these things and the lessons I'll preach to her, in reality, she'll be teaching me. I feel like I'm a patient person, most of the time at least. Sure I have may moments when I know something exciting is happening but I also know that things dont come faster and problems arent solved by being impatient. January of 2012, Brian and I went down to meet our niece for the first time. She was a month and two weeks old. I've been around babies, I know they cry, I know they cant say whats wrong but let me tel you, I had to learn patience very quick during that week. We watched her two different days. One day she slept the whole time. The second day, well, she wanted none of it. We tried and tried to calm her. It also didnt help that Brian was playing video games the whole time and trying to calm her in between periods. The crying last three hours. My ears are sensitive and so when there are loud noises for long periods of time I get kind of emotional. that didnt help either. We didn't know what she wanted, we didnt really know her everyday schedule, she was probably scared because here are to new people that she didnt know and she was still in that bonding with her parents stage. Our patience grew thin a little, I'll admit it. But thats expected from even the mother and father. Finally, after we calmed  she did. All she wanted was to be cuddled. From that day on, I feel alot more patient  I realize that the crying will stop eventually and that all will be fine in a matter of time.

When my niece was born she had to stay in the nicu for 5 days. She was two weeks early and her lungs werent quite right yet. She also had trouble feeding because of that. She went home and a few months later was put back in the hospital. Her breathing would suddenly stop for a few moments. It was such a scary time for us. Being a billion miles away and knowing we couldnt hold her or hug her was probably the most difficult thing we've been through. Luckily, she is ok and a happy healthy baby today!

My cousin got pregnant last year. Her son was due January 2013. My cousin got put in the hospital in September due to many problems. We all prayed so hard that her son would stay in and keep cooking as long as possible. Every night was a new milestone. He was born on Oct. 31st. Two months before he should of been. He fought for a very long time. He is now a happy baby who is unbelievably adorable. The only thing they arent sure about is if he's blind or not yet. He doesnt focus and so they arent sure if its just a lack of development from being early or if its blindness. I pray that its just developmental. Not that it would make us love him any less or make him overly special, I wouldnt want him to be blind. From someone who knows similarly how it is, its not something I would wish on anyone. 

While those two stories turned out good, the one I'm about to tell you about is weighting very heavy on my heart today

I have a friend. A friend who is wonderful. Shes not someone I've ever hung out with outside of school but I'd like to call her a good friend. She's the sweetest, most caring person. She's 23 but has made a good starting life for herself. She has a hubby, and the most supporting friends and family. 

She found out she was pregnant back in the fall. It was a boy. She was due this month, May. On January 23, 2013, that little boy was welcomed into this world. Way too soon. He fought  with strong family and parents by his side. he was a beautiful child. He was so tiny but the most precious little thing. I fell in love with him through pictures on facebook and he made me smile everyday  He was doing perfect and his future seemed positive. His parents were with him every minute and ave him strength  as he did for them. For the past month, my friend hasnt been posting pictures of him and hasnt talked about him. I thought that was weird  a little but figured she's helping him get well and was just busy. She'd post selfies or whatever she was doing that day but thats all. Last night as i was on facebook scrolling down the page looking at all these happy statuses, I see a long one from her. I looked at the bottom of the status first, no idea why. It said "he's with us every step of the way". At first I thought that she was updating us on how he's doing. But then I looked at the top of the status, like I should of in he first place. Well, this little boy passed away on March 30th. I cant even being to explain how bad my heart felt in that moment. Here he was, so very early but doing well, unlike many children who pass away right at birth. He was beautiful and had a promising future. My heart broke. She says she's been strong. She's a mess one day and fine another. She says that although its tough, she knows he's with her all the time. 

She mentioned Mother's Day and how incredible hard it was for her. Her very first Mother's Day that she had to spend alone. With all this baby boy stuff in her house. Today is her birthday also. she posted another status this morning that tugged at my heart. She said that she was supposed to spend her day with her baby boy. She said that she's celebrating today not because its her birthday, but because her son was in her life. The most powerful words I've heard in a very long time.

So, I ask you today to all pray for her and her family. To pray for her baby boy. God has a plan for that precious boy and maybe the plan started too soon but this boy will do great things. 

For all of you with child, especially boys, please hug them tighter or love them a little more today


Becca Moss said...

I'm not going to lie, after I knew where this post was going, I skipped reading the last part. My heart cannot even comprehend losing a child. Especially now that I'm a mother. It's incredibly sad and heartbreaking to hear. Like your friend, one of mine lost her three month old to a very rare illness that made him have no muscle. I would bawl my eyes out when I'd see pictures of him in the hospital bed because Tiger (that was his name) and Wyatt looked a lot alike and were very close to the same age.

I'll pray for your friend and her family. I'll pray that she somehow gets peace that he is in a better place and her faith is restored.

Ashleigh said...

I can truly say that I read it all. Was it sad to read yes to some degree but to some other degree its good to see when you can see a mother move on. She is doing a great job at still living her life even when its hard right now! For her it will be hard for a long time but in time pain does stop & peace enters & then that is when you can truly heal & be a lot better for yourself & your future children that you someday will have!

Rachael SparkFire said...

Many prayers always. Thank you for sharing to start the prayer circle. May the family and all those around them be blessed and comforted.

Susannah said...

I'll be praying!!! It's never easy to lose a child!

Also, I love your new blog design!

Heather Nelsen said...

Wow, I can't imagine having to experience the loss of a child. I'm glad she is able to keep a positive perspective and has family and friends to support her. Poor thing.

Hope you enjoy your weekend Kristen. :)


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