Why do you gotta be so mean?

Happy Thursday!! I first want ot say thank you for all the wishes on my Statistics final! It took 5 hours to complete (blah) but its done. And I'm so excited that I'm not sitting in a classroom right now. The unfortunate part of today is that its raining and cold. Its good though because its been like 10 days since we've had rain. But anyway...

I've been having a hard couple of days. Normally, this isnt he case. if you talk to me everyday you know I'm a pretty happy person (I think..... who wants to be the lovely one to agree to this? :) ) But something has gotten to me and its been tearing me down. Back when I as in elementary school, 5th grade to be exact, the teacher I had taught two grades at once. Meaning myself and my friends were the 5th grade part and we also had 6th graders in our class. I wasnt popular. Barely had friends except for maybe 5 who were in other classes. In my class I had "friends" but they just talked to me to humor me. It was a tough childhood for me. But I dealt with it. I didnt care. I had my parents and close friends. The thing was, this one girl who was a 6th grader was SO mean to me. We're going to call her "B" She acted like she had all the power and I was just some little animal she could push around. One of the things I can remember about her oh so well, was if we were walking towards each other in the classroom (maybe one of us going to the bathroom/cubbies and the other going back to her seat) , she'd look at me with the meanest look and say "MOVE!" with the snobbiest voice. She actually walk up to me sometimes while saying "MOVE!" and push me. I think I feel down once. I was scared of her. She made so much trouble for me and got almost all of the class to dislike me. She'd laugh at me in my face, she be sitting at another table and be talking about me while looking in my direction. Also, even when she moved on to junior high she'd IM me and talk crap and be so mean. It was brutal. I cried...ALOT. She made me feel crappy about myself, like I was nothing and like I'd never have friends. I couldnt understand how anyone could be that mean. 

Anyway, there was a girl who lived a few streets over who I was good friends with. We'll call her "S". We went to CCD together, school together, played together. Now, I'm sure this girl only wanted to be nice when she talked to me. This girl is the best friend of "B" who I talked about above. So needless to say I had to be careful what I did or said in front of my so called friend, "S". Because guess what? My stupid self would get blabbed about to "B". Whether it be something I said or did. To this day I'm friends with "M" on facebook but at the same time she's friends with "B". I commented on a photo the other day that they are both in. Just saying how pretty "S" looked. Well, "B" didnt like that and started her crap meanness again. I've learned over the years that theres no point in giving in to her. I always think about the saying "Dont forget tht when you point a finger at someone, there are three pointing back at you". I'm not a hateful person, I'm not writing this as a pitty post, and I forgive. But this girl, I just cant. And sometimes I feel guilty but I think its for the best. has anyone been in a situation like this?

So, needless to say I've been spending the last day feeling sorry for myself. Sorry I never had real friends in high school and that I really dont today. It was the same old thing. I had friendships. We talked everyday, walked to classes together and so on. But they got bored of me. They humored me. There was this one gir who we'll call "T"l. We were actually true friends. She was tough. She ahd a backbone. But she liked me. We were in alot of classes together and sat with each other. I'ms ure s he got tired of me sometimes but she didnt show it and I was ok with that. I soaked up the fact I actually had someone to talk to. Until one day. Myself, her and her best friend were working on a project for a class together. She had ot be absensent one day so it was just me and the other girl. Apparently, during this working session, I must of said something that this other girl took out of context. I had no reason to be mean to anyone, let alone the only good friend, which was "T", that I had. Well, whatever I "said" got back to "T" and that was it. I went into school Monday and sat in my normal seat in Nutrition class. I lookaout the door and see "T" with a bunch of people around here. And I hear "I cant believe she said that" "I'm going to beat her a$$" She said a bunch of swear, threats and just other things but I knew it was about me. Cue me running to the guidenece consolor. And that was it for that friendship. I have 250 friends on facebook. Alot of them family but mostly "friends". I've hung out with some of them but that was during high school. None of them would be caught hanging with me and I know it. I comment on their posts, they dont comment on mine. Sometimes I secretly wish I had friends to text or to share in the joy of something. But its ok though, I've made due with no real friends and I will continue to

As I said, this isnt a pitty post. Its hard to talk to anyone else about this issue I've been dealing with all my life, so I figured I could talk to myself about it through a post.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!