Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Why do we judge?

Happy almost end of Monday!! I hope you all had a fabulous weekend and Easter! I loved seeing all your wonderful Easter posts and what all the little kiddies got..oh if we could be kids again :) Today I want to bring you a post that means alot to me. I do want to throw a few things out there though before. 1) These are my opinions. I may be a Psych major but I'm not in any way an actual Psychologist or anything of the sort. 2) With that being said, at some points I will cut to the chase since I don't want to use wrong info or offend anyone. 3) This post is mostly words. 4) The video that I'll be posting which is the inspiration for this post is 7 minutes long, so please feel free to watch it all, some of it or none of it...totally up to you. 5) While I will use an example of myself, this post is NOT about me in anyway.

As I've told some of you in our convos, I'm a Psych major. This was a decision that was made in one of those "ah huh" moments. I had no intention of this being my major when I started at this school. But I'm so glad that I have chosen this path.. isn't it funny how things just come to you when you least expect it, or don't even know you want it? 

This semester one of my classes is Abnormal Psych. While I don't have any of these differences (I like that word more than "disorders"), I still feel that I know a bunch about some of the topics. Autism and ADHD (and definitely maybe OCD...yea, you caught me :) ). Although these are only two of the many we talk about, there is so much that goes into them. As I said in my post here, I have a vision problem, so while I don't know everything about these other differences I know alot because I've been on the same "sidelines" as many of these individuals. And before I go any further, I have to say, I am SO blessed that I have been. 

On the first day of Abnormal Psych, our teacher posed the question "have you ever been in public and assumed someone was different from how they were acting?" Ok, I may be off on her exact wording but still.  Many hands went up and the chatter started. "Oh, I saw this the other day" or "that person definitely had an issue" As I sat there listening to these answers, I couldn't help but laugh and sigh. Being someone who has been judged and called weird or different all her life is sitting a few inches from these other people and they don't even know it. As I said, this has nothing to do with me personally but it was just interesting. They didn't say anything bad but it's interesting to hear the perspectives because that question isn't something, I'm sure, is asked everyday. After the talking stopped, our Professor said that she hoped by the end of the semester we'd all see things and people differently and not be so quick to judge, and she's right. Because I'm on the same side as the type of people we're talking about, I understand and so its hard for me to sit here and say that all the people that cant really see it are wrong. If I did say that I'd be judging their opinions. 

What is judging? To me, judging can be the littlest thing. I've heard some pretty interesting judging stories. I'll admit it, I've judged people. Maybe for what they were wearing, or because they like to answer every question in class, or well just because. It's not nice and we all know that but it happens anyway, that has become whats know as "society's norms".As the old saying goes "don't judge a book by its cover". Why do we judge though? Is it to make ourselves feel better or to embarrass those? It's so ironic because we judge others yet they could turn around and judge us just as equally. People judge and that's just how it is but judging people that are different, that's another story. Everyone has a struggle and a story and we don't know that unless we get to know them. The things we judge them for could change and improve one day, we cant predict the future. Unfortunately though, for the ones that are different, nothing will change and nothing will be perfect so we cant even get that "maybe" chance

Source: www.marcandangel.com

Got this off facebook...

Here are three examples of judgement. They will be cut short and will not include any info about the people.

1) My cousin took her son (my 2nd cousin), to an appointment. My 2nd cousin is alot younger than me. He has Autism but is the sweetest, most caring little guy I know. As they are waiting int he waiting room, he asks his mom if he can go stand "over there", which meant about 10 steps away. He turned his back towards her and had his arms crossed..he was nervous. She was fine with this. Two older ladies started pestering my cousin, saying he was being rude to his mother and that they just couldn't believe that disrespect. Enough said

2) I was about 10. My parents surprised me with tickets to go see the Backstreet boys (oh the old days!). First concert ever, i was beyond excited. We went and loved it. As we were leaving to get on the train we had to stop at a ticket counter (I'm trying to remember exactly). This lady was standing behind it and all I remember her saying was "is she ok?", as she looked at me with this puzzled face. I knew why and my mom did too. My mom didn't even respond and just pushed me away

3) I was told this story by a cousin who works at Market Basket. One of the baggers there has a difference. Wonderful guy, nice and caring. People were being mean to him because he was fast enough or something. I met him once and loved him, seriously the nicest guy you could meet. He quit last year because of the people being mean

While these stories and situations are different, they are still the same: being judged. I get it, people dont understand but trust me, that little comment can make a huge difference. 

Dont get me wrong here, being nice and helping people obviously isn't a bad thing. Helping an elderly person tot heir car or holding the door open for a mother with kids, that's all nice stuff and stuff that should happen forever. It's not so much what you do as much as it is how you think when you see a child act out int he middle of a store. Sure that child may not be disciplined or have parents that done care if their child is in the way and  has a fit in public. But at the same time, maybe the child doesn't understand and the parent is just doing what they can and letting the child do what they need to do in order to cope with whatever situation it is. As I said, I've judged and maybe a tiny part of me always will but at the same time, I leave my mind open to any possibility. I'll admit it, if I'm faced with someone who has a difference  I might be a tab bit nicer to them because of it. And that's the funny part, "Normal" people think that they HAVE to be nice and that they have to go above and beyond. Let me tell you from experience, that's not the case. being nice means everything but we just want to fit in and be loved for who we are. We may be different but it's ok and it makes us unique. 

So, here's the video that inspired this post. This is about people that have Borderline Personality disorder. After re-reading this post I realize this may not be the greatest video to show because its related to one disorder but I'm going to post it anyway because the words and music are just so powerful, or at least they were to us in class. I've decided to post a second video too.

A word or two is messed up in this...

It's crazy because I'm sitting here thinking about this longgg post I just wrote and am feeling so touched by all the wonderfully "different" people in my life.

You don't have to and can just skip over this if you want, but I'm challenging myself to help someone or give a compliment at least once a day. This might be hard because I may not see these differences everyday but I challenge myself to do this when I get the chance. Trust me it feels so good! So now I challenge you to do the same and would love to hear stories if  you do in the future or if you do already!! 


Anonymous said...

Judging is something I need to work on. Thanks for sharing your stories.

Rachael SparkFire said...

You blog is amazing with lovely moral values. I agree-it is so important not to judge another person until you know what they have been through.

SO glad you stopped by my blog, because I am so excited to follow you back via GFC! Wishing you the very best. Can't wait to get to know you!

xoxo, Rachael

MeetTheBrowns said...

You did it today:) thanx for the kind words !

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